| TOP OF SITE | TOP OF ISSUE | TOP OF SECTION |
| PREVIOUS STORY | NEXT STORY |
 By Kimberly Wright / Dimension Films |
|
| Neve Campbell, scared of Scream 3 bombing at the box office. | |
First on our list is Scream 3: Isn't Everybody Dead Yet?, (we scream at this prospect) whose script is still under construction. We didn't see Scream! We didn't see Scream 2! It's probably a safe bet that, should it ever be made, we won't see Scream 3.
Next up is the still scripting Twister 2: Up With Trailer Parks. C'mon folks, we've already seen the world been uprooted once. What can be different this time? This concept has been stretched too far. Of course, we are looking forward to Twister 3: Up With Skirts (Hope Helen is in that sequel too).
Next in line for impossible sequels that should never even be considered is Mission Impossible 2: Even More Incomprehensible Plot Twists at the Expense of Comprehensibility. We didn't get the first and we probably won't bother to get this one either.
Apparently we're going to have to wait for another rogue comet to slam into the Earth before they'll stop making Jurassic Park sequels, because JP3: Carnivores on Patrol is on the way. Expect to see at least 200 people die gruesome, dinosaury deaths in a blatant and desperate attempt to cover up the complete lack of plot, characterization, dialogue and meaning. Speilberg again proves how erratic genius actually is.
The last movie that we would like to slight without having seen is The Flinstones 2: Viva Rock Vegas (actually, we're not even making the title up this time, it's that bad by itself). Everybody at home, go ahead and make up your own disparaging remarks for this one, because it's just too easy.
All is not lost though, a few good sequels may be on their way. One of which is Austin Powers 2: Elizabeth Was So Hot and such a Groovy Baby that we Had to Make a Sequel. We loved the original, and can only look forward to seeing Austin continue to "do his thing" , only this time with better teeth, and perhaps a bikini wax.
Some other solid front runners are Die Hard 4 (the Die Hard series is always a pleasure), and Raiders of the Fallen Empire, the next Indiana
Jones movie (we love Indy, Will even named his cat after him).
Finally, the movie that we have all been waiting for, the movie that stands ready to break all box office records, the movie that has the most special effects shots in history, Star Wars, Episode 1: It's About Time. The tentative release date (last time we checked) is May 26, 1999. Mark your calendars, when you buy them. We usually buy ours round May, because they're on sale then (I mean, we only get payed five dollars an article, what do you want?). Now we'd like to cover our rears by pointing out that all this stuff we just wrote about is frequently tentative, maybe amorphous, possibly non-corporeal, and should not be taken as gospel (We don't even like gospel).